By Lexi Hoffman, M.A.

Featured Articles “Start planning a family event or holiday gathering and enlist the children’s help with shopping lists, phone calls and research.”

I think of the holidays as the season of heightened feelings. From Halloween to New Year’s Eve, parents and children must co-exist through the ups and downs of excitement and disappointment, from sugar highs to exhaustion blues. As our children grow older, the list of events and gifts increases, and we parents often find ourselves frustrated and infuriated in the face of feelings that overwhelm us. If parents can anticipate some of the feelings, it may be possible to reduce the impact of emotional overload during the long holiday season.

And then, there is the list of parental “shoulds” that a parent feels consciously or subconsciously:

• “We should invite Aunt Mary for Thanksgiving.”

• “We need to use the good china and linen. That’s the way it has always been.”

• “We have to take Christina to the Halloween party, the Thanksgiving parade and the mall to see Santa. After all, the whole neighborhood is going!”

The obvious solution to some of this difficulty is to simplify our lives. Not an easy task as the 18-month-old tugs at our leg while we attempt to separate so that we can take the 6-year-old to the Thanksgiving play. Not an easy task as our teens hand us a long Christmas list of CDs and expensive video game equipment that they “simply” must have to be a part of the peer group. Still, an effort can be made to say “no” to some things. In doing so, we gain energy and an opportunity to be more emotionally present (rather than flustered) with ourselves and with our children during the season of feelings.

When the 18-month-old cannot tolerate the separation and tantrums as we are heading out the door at the usual bedtime with our 6-year-old pilgrim, is it possible to bend down, embrace the feelings, rock the tearful child for a few genuine moments and whisper in his ear? “It’s hard to see Mommy leave. You want to be with Mommy now. I know. It’s okay. I like to be with you, too. I’ll be back soon.”

When we have spent nearly our last dollar on Christmas gifts and our teenager asks for two more CDs, can we invite our children to tell us what’s important to them and accept their wishes? “So, you would like the Hannah Montana and Beyoncé CDs? There are so many things I wish I could buy you for Christmas. I wish I didn’t have to choose one CD or the other. Which of the two singers do you like best?”

Whether it is the impulse to sneak a few holiday goodies or open a present before Christmas morning, we parents have been there. We have the capacity to remember the child within if we let ourselves. In the remembering, we can let go of what we “should” do and embrace who we are and what we feel with our children throughout the holiday season.